Sing Your Own Song, Play Your Own Tune – Living Life On Your Own Terms.

It was a windy autumn day in the woodland where Trinity was walking through, on her way back home. Her feet were brushing up the fallen leaves that rustled as they moved. You could not see the ground for leaves displaying; brown, yellow, orange and red colouration. It was rather spectacular sight but Trinity did not take much notice as her mind was racing with thoughts.

Feeling frustrated, exhausted, disappointed yet again that she’d been taken for granted, that her time was taken up doing things for others. Counselling, consoling, running errands – the list just went on.

She just did not know who she was, she did not know what she wanted, all she felt was confusion and insecurity. All life seemed to be an endless list of duties and responsibilities, with very little fun and enjoyment to be had.

Trinity was totally fed up and feeling stressed, she knew something had to change. A nagging feeling in her gut would not subside, in fact it was getting worse by the day. A feeling that was saying get away from it all for a while, spend time in solitude, you need to gain clarity and spend time nurturing yourself.

Trinity had been avoiding this feeling and the voice that accompanied it, as she did not want to disappoint or let people down. In fact, the truth was, she feared she would lose people or they would not like her anymore if she did not comply to their wishes.

Oh! it was just all too much, she could not see the wood for the trees anymore, nothing made sense, nothing felt right, she was completely lost. For years she tried to follow the advice or teachings of influential spiritual teachers but found it did not truly resonate, or did not last.

Having no boundaries and not being clear of what she wanted, led her to follow the dreams of others. Leaving her feeling depleted and downhearted. Deep down she knew they were not her own dreams, her own passions or joys; she was just filling her time following their dreams because her own life felt empty and baron.

“Enough is enough!”, she thought to herself, as she quickened her pace to the point the fallen leaves were flying up in front of her. The wind blew across her face that brought the smell of the earth and the rotting leaves, she gazed down to her feet where the leaves lay. The time had come to let go to let go of all the burdens she carried, like the trees that had shed the leaves she now walked over.

This could no longer go on it was starting to make her ill and nothing was worth that. So, the decision was made, she was going to take a month off and spend time being quiet or doing activities that brought her joy. To reflect and review her life as she was determined to get clear on what she wanted, to learn to listen to the guidance from within.

It was her time now she thought, feeling empowered by her decision. Trinity arrived home ready to put her plan into action. That night she slept more soundly than she’d done for some time and felt refreshed on awaking the following morning. As she worked from home, that day she informed her friends and family of her decision and surprisingly they understood.

This made Trinity feel as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she slumped back in her favourite comfy chair, sighing with relief. A feeling of peace washed over her and she just sat there in silence, contemplating her life up to that point. Oh boy how things needed to change she thought, as she reviewed all that had transpired over the years. It was clear from doing this she’d played out a habit of; putting the needs of other first and as a result completely lost the plot with her own.

This brought up some sadness and she began to weep for a few moments. As this subsided, Trinity was aware the root cause of all of this stemmed from her childhood. A time when her parents gave little encouragement or emotional support more criticism and judgement instead, leaving her feeling she was not worthy of love, attention or support.

This was when the people-pleasing behaviour began in the hope she may gain praise and approval from doing so. However, now she knew better, now she was aware this behaviour was not bringing her what she most longed for, only disappointment and exhaustion.

The solution was staring her in the face! It was time for her to take responsibility for her own happiness, her own health and well-being. To put her needs first and get clear on what was important for her and how she wished to live her own life, on her terms.

These empowering thoughts opened her heart and she felt the urge to express herself in her art journal. As she did it revealed the need to observe her thoughts and feelings and most importantly, to let go of the need to know. Trusting what she needed to know will be revealed through her intuition one step at a time.

Her time in solitude was to be spent giving attention to her inner child aspects to acknowledge and heal the wounds surfacing from severe neglect and abandonment. It was an opportunity to play, something she’d not done much of as a child, because she had been a loner, to shy and withdrawn to play with her peers. Instead most of her time was spent either watching children’s tv programmes, or losing herself in her art that brought her comfort and made her feel safe.

Trinity had also spent a number of years working in the childcare industry, where she’d played with the young children in her care, but this was still focusing on the needs of others instead of herself.

There were no excuses now and the urge to play burned like a fire within her. As the days passed Trinity did exactly this, either through meditation or physical activities she was inspired to do. Trinity was feeling more grounded and stable than she’d experienced in a while, her energy level had risen too.

Even the more menial tasks she undertook no longer felt so heavy or tiresome. In fact, she was enjoying whatever she did, compelling her to sing or whistle whilst attending to each task. Trinity also received subtle messages from spirit, allowing her to see the bigger picture of all her experiences and gifts, clarifying what she was learning as well as the theme running through her life up to the present.

This enabled her to focus on what was important and let go of what wasn’t. Trinity felt so grateful for the niggling feeling she’d experienced and the voice that said “stop and rest”, because now she was living from that place of power within her. The confidence in her ability to receive guidance directly from her guides and higher self, was growing stronger day by day. No longer was there a need to rely on other readers and channelers, as she’d done in the past.

At last she was singing her own song and playing her own tune, a message she’d received from a goddess a year a so ago, whilst partaking in a womb initiation. Trinity vowed her focus now, was to pay attention to her intuition and follow her hearts  promptings. Doing only what felt good, leaving what was not in her best interest, well alone.