A Story Of A People Pleaser Who Discovers How To Live Life On Her Own Terms
It was a windy autumn day in the woodland where Trinity was walking through, on her way back home. Her feet were brushing up the fallen leaves that rustled as they moved. You could not see the ground for leaves displaying; brown, yellow, orange and red colouration. It was rather spectacular sight but Trinity did not take much notice as her mind was racing with thoughts.
Feeling frustrated, exhausted, disappointed yet again that she’d been taken for granted, that her time was taken up doing things for others. Counselling, consoling, running errands – the list just went on.
She just did not know who she was, she did not know what she wanted, all she felt was confusion and insecurity. All life seemed to be an endless list of duties and responsibilities, with very little fun and enjoyment to be had.
Trinity was totally fed up and feeling stressed, she knew something had to change. A nagging feeling in her gut would not subside, in fact it was getting worse by the day. A feeling that was saying get away from it all for a while, spend time in solitude, you need to gain clarity and spend time nurturing yourself.
Trinity had been avoiding this feeling and the voice that accompanied it, as she did not want to disappoint or let people down. In fact, the truth was, she feared she would lose people or they would not like her anymore if she did not comply to their wishes.
Oh! it was just all too much, she could not see the wood for the trees anymore, nothing made sense, nothing felt right, she was completely lost. For years she tried to follow the advice or teachings of influential spiritual teachers but found it did not truly resonate, or did not last.
Having no boundaries and not being clear of what she wanted, led her to follow the dreams of others. Leaving her feeling depleted and downhearted. Deep down she knew they were not her own dreams, her own passions or joys; she was just filling her time following their dreams because her own life felt empty and baron.
“Enough is enough!”, she thought to herself, as she quickened her pace to the point the fallen leaves were flying up in front of her. The wind blew across her face that brought the smell of the earth and the rotting leaves, she gazed down to her feet where the leaves lay. The time had come to let go to let go of all the burdens she carried, like the trees that had shed the leaves she now walked over.
This could no longer go on it was starting to make her ill and nothing was worth that. So, the decision was made, she was going to take a month off and spend time being quiet or doing activities that brought her joy. To reflect and review her life as she was determined to get clear on what she wanted, to learn to listen to the guidance from within.
It was her time now she thought, feeling empowered by her decision. Trinity arrived home ready to put her plan into action. That night she slept more soundly than she’d done for some time and felt refreshed on awaking the following morning. As she worked from home, that day she informed her friends and family of her decision and surprisingly they understood.
This made Trinity feel as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she slumped back in her favourite comfy chair, sighing with relief. A feeling of peace washed over her and she just sat there in silence, contemplating her life up to that point. Oh boy how things needed to change she thought, as she reviewed all that had transpired over the years. It was clear from doing this she’d played out a habit of; putting the needs of other first and as a result completely lost the plot with her own.
This brought up some sadness and she began to weep for a few moments. As this subsided, Trinity was aware the root cause of all of this stemmed from her childhood. A time when her parents gave little encouragement or emotional support more criticism and judgement instead, leaving her feeling she was not worthy of love, attention or support.
This was when the people-pleasing behaviour began in the hope she may gain praise and approval from doing so. However, now she knew better, now she was aware this behaviour was not bringing her what she most longed for, only disappointment and exhaustion.
The solution was staring her in the face! It was time for her to take responsibility for her own happiness, her own health and well-being. To put her needs first and get clear on what was important for her and how she wished to live her own life, on her terms.
These empowering thoughts opened her heart and she felt the urge to express herself in her art journal. As she did it revealed the need to observe her thoughts and feelings and most importantly, to let go of the need to know. Trusting what she needed to know will be revealed through her intuition one step at a time.
Her time in solitude was to be spent giving attention to her inner child aspects to acknowledge and heal the wounds surfacing from severe neglect and abandonment. It was an opportunity to play, something she’d not done much of as a child, because she had been a loner, to shy and withdrawn to play with her peers. Instead most of her time was spent either watching children’s tv programmes, or losing herself in her art that brought her comfort and made her feel safe.
Trinity had also spent a number of years working in the childcare industry, where she’d played with the young children in her care, but this was still focusing on the needs of others instead of herself.
There were no excuses now and the urge to play burned like a fire within her. As the days passed Trinity did exactly this, either through meditation or physical activities she was inspired to do. Trinity was feeling more grounded and stable than she’d experienced in a while, her energy level had risen too.
Even the more menial tasks she undertook no longer felt so heavy or tiresome. In fact, she was enjoying whatever she did, compelling her to sing or whistle whilst attending to each task. Trinity also received subtle messages from spirit, allowing her to see the bigger picture of all her experiences and gifts, clarifying what she was learning as well as the theme running through her life up to the present.
This enabled her to focus on what was important and let go of what wasn’t. Trinity felt so grateful for the niggling feeling she’d experienced and the voice that said “stop and rest”, because now she was living from that place of power within her. The confidence in her ability to receive guidance directly from her guides and higher self, was growing stronger day by day. No longer was there a need to rely on other readers and channelers, as she’d done in the past.
At last she was singing her own song and playing her own tune, a message she’d received from a goddess a year a so ago, whilst partaking in a womb initiation. Trinity vowed her focus now, was to pay attention to her intuition and follow her hearts promptings. Doing only what felt good, leaving what was not in her best interest, well alone.
Does This Story Sound Familiar?
Does this story sound familiar to you? Can you relate to how Trinity was feeling? Are you experiencing something similar in your own life? If so, then read on.
I felt inspired to write this story which is based on my own experiences, in the hope it may inspire and resonate with those of you who have or are experiencing something similar.
I felt it was important to talk about, because when we spend so much time focusing on externals particularly to the point there is neglect to self, we can experience instability, anxiety and find it hard to ground ourselves properly. So many people are grasping at things outside themselves in the hope they may gain stability, especially now with all the uncertainty covid-19 has caused.
Now more than ever it is important to find your ground. What I mean by this is your true nature that which does not come and go, or leave you feeling disappointed, exhausted or confused. It also enables you to receive guidance without the need to follow anyone else which can lead to co-dependency.
Like the character in the story, in order to be able to do this we must first spend quality time in solitude, away from the influences of the world. I realise this can be more of a challenge if you have family to care for and a job to go to, but if you wish to feel empowered and feel good, it is vital to make time for yourself, even if it’s just for 15-30 minutes a day.
7 SuggestionsTo Help With Expression, Connection & Empowerment
- Close your eyes and take some deep and even breathes for a few moments. Then ask yourself what would I like to do today for fun? Whatever you are inspired to do, go do it. The important thing here is to listen and then act. The more you do this the stronger the inspiration will come to you.
2. Go for a mindfulness walk in nature, listen to the sounds and observe intently what you see around you, just bring your attention back to this, if it wanders into thought. Use all your senses.
3. Write an empowering story perhaps create a character that is based on yourself. Think about what it is you want to overcome, want to change for the better in your life. Use all your senses in the story and write with abandon. Leave out grammar and punctuation, just let the words flow and if you get stuck just repeat a word until you receive more inspiration. No-one need see this story it is just for you. What is important is the energy and how you feel as you write it. You can edit the story when complete if you wish to.
4. Here is an art journal entry I did when I first went into solitude, those images and words said so much to me. Art journaling is a wonderful outlet to receive guidance from spirit or your Higher self. All you need do is find images that you are drawn to and some text you feel is relevant. Avoid over-thinking, let your feelings guide, not your mind
5. Be open to receiving guidance in unexpected ways. One way can be through films or tv programmes. One evening I was watching an animated film and received clarity on something that had eluded me. Songs on the radio or conversation you may overhear can be relevant too. Awareness is key because messages are being relayed to us throughout the day.
6. If you’ve been a people-pleaser expressing oneself can be a challenge. Allow yourself to sing, chant, hum, make noises like beat-boxing, clicking or whistle, express your voice in some way.
7. Think about what you loved to do as a child or if you did not get chance to do what you wanted perhaps give yourself the opportunity to do it now. Buy some cheap toys from a toy shop or supermarket, then play with your inner child. Create a toy box to store them in and spend 10 – 15 mins playing with them. The photo shows the box I created for all the toys I collected to use when playing with my inner child. I even decorated the lid to make it my own.
I hope these suggestions are helpful, so that you too can sing your own song and play our own tune.